So I'm Reading This Book, Part 2

One more post, then I'm caught up.

Look Me in the Eye - My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison. Nonfiction.
About: The older brother of writer Augusten Burroughs (Running with Scissors), Robison describes life on the Autism spectrum.
My thoughts: Robison describes growing up unknowingly on the Autism spectrum. A fabulous book - one that I shared pieces of with my own little Aspy sons. Robison wasn't diagnosed until the age of 40, so he can share how he really felt as a child, especially with the benefit of hindsight.
I highly recommend this book to any parent of a child on the Autism spectrum. It is required reading!

So I'm Reading This Book...

Earlier this year I tried (not-so-valiantly) to catalog the books I've read this year on this very blog. Of course I lost track. Now I'm trying to catch up in one long post. Keep in mind - this list is all I have record of - library books have long been checked back in and forgotten. In no particular order:

What is the What by Dave Eggers. Nonfiction-sort of.
About: the account of one of The Lost Boys of Sudan, or the story of a Darfur refugee, told in an autobiographical voice by an American author.
My thoughts: Wow, where to begin. Do I start with a gimmicky device where Mr. Eggers writes an "autobiography" for Sudanese refugee Achuk Deng? Eggers' distinctive style only broke through a few times.
No, I think I will always remember the incredible, unspeakable things Deng witnessed all before the age of 12. Village burned, separated from family, literally running for his life at the age of 10. Walking with 300 other boys across the desert to Ethiopia. Seeing friends die of exhaustion, dehydration, and starvation. Living among 40,000 others, unwelcome, in a refugee camp in Ethiopia. With 5 other same-age boys, burying the dead in the camp. Fleeing from the gunfire of Ethiopians into alligator infested waters of the Gilo river. Seeing fellow refugees become the center of said alligators in feeding frenzy. All this and not quite halfway through the book. Then it just gets worse. Friends captured and turned into slaves. Slaves! In the 1990s! I could go on but I won't.
A great, great book. I was spent when I finished it.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss. Nonfiction.
About: grammar.
My thoughts: Yep, a book about grammar. By a militant grammarian. She was utterly appalled by the title of the film Two Weeks Notice. "Where's the apostrophe?" It's a charming little book about proper punctuation. I really liked it.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Fiction.
About: A father-son journey through post-apocalyptic America
My thoughts: Another wow! Two wows! This is possible the most affecting book I've ever read. I changed my view of life after reading this book. Stylistically spartan - just like the surroundings described inside. A man and his 10 year old son journey to the sea during a nuclear winter following what was apparently the war to end all wars. No food, no animals to kill, vegetation dead, the surviving humans feed off each other. An amazing journey. Do not read this book if you are depressed.

Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion by David Brinkley. Nonfiction.
About: a collection of Brinkley's one minute signoffs from his Sunday morning TV show.
My thoughts: November 6, 1983 - two reports on greenhouse gases suggest that climate change is 100-200 years away. If only we knew then what we know now.
September 13, 1987 - Presidential candidate Joe Biden is accused of plagiarizing a speech from a British Labour Party candidate. However, Biden credited the author several times during the speech. So, contrary to popular belief, Biden is not a plagiarist.

The Dilbert Future by Scott Adams. Nonfiction.
About: the future, according to Dilbert.
My thoughts: A mostly uninteresting rehash of strips. Except...
In the last chapter, Adams shares what he really thinks. There is one theory of note. Gravity doesn't exist. We are just part of a universe in which every piece of matter is doubling in size every second. Wacky.

Cartoon History of the Modern World by Larry Gonick. Nonfiction.
About: a graphic novel history book.
My thoughts: I really enjoy the cartoon history series. A great way to bone up on history.

Presenting the exciting year-end double issue of the 2008 Non-denominational, Holiday-type Newsletter of the Gonzalez Family

Lycra Shaped People

I started working out a bit more this summer, adding some biking trips (rule: get bike to a path, ride in a single direction as hard as possible into the wind for 1 hour, then return) to my regimen. And I also started running 1 to 2 times a week, no more than 1 hour at a time. And I lost some weight (15-20 pounds depending how you account for it).

I decided that, because of my propensity for profuse sweat, I needed to start layering my workout uniform. Thus began the search for those spandex/lycra/nylon-lyra-spandex-mix shirts that those runners/cyclists wear. Folks wearing those clothes never look like sweaty pigs. Sweaty pigs like me.

I found and purchased a particular shirt that appeared to be my size. I didn't try it on in the store for a number of uninteresting reasons, but when I got home I threw it on just before dinner (and a later workout that night).

It's a tight shirt. It's tight enough that it cannot be removed without reversing it. It's not ridiculously tight - it doesn't leave marks on my skin or anything.

My appearance at the dinner table drew double-takes from both my wife and teenaged daughter. "Wow," my daughter gasped, "it's kinda wrong when your dad is chiseled." My wife scanned me like a construction worker scans a pretty office blond and added, "Wow, you are looking good."

Bolstered by this unsolicited praise, I checked myself in the mirror after my workout that night. With the shirt on - yeah, I'm kinda chiseled. Not quite ready for the Body Armour ad, but there's definitely a muscular, manly shape there.

Then I removed the shirt. "Hey, where'd it go?" Suddenly all the flabby parts covering my six-pack abs re-appeared. My chiseled-ness had vanished.

"Oh my God, I'm an idiot. It's the shirt." The shirt shapes my body, tightening in the right spots, nudging the malleable flesh into areas that then appear muscular. It's like a push-up bra for men!

Then I began noticing just how common this phenomenon is. Because of my wife I know that there are about 72 kinds of underwear for women that "shape" their bodies. Now there are for men too. And when I began to really look for the lycra-shaped people, there they were, all around me. I'd never noticed before.

We have become a society of lycra-shaped people, well on our way to becoming the morbidly obese, amorphous blobs featured in the Pixar film Wall-E.

Has it been 8 months already?

Dear Weblog

Obviously it's been an embarrassingly long time since my last post. I contemplated starting a completely new blog in shame. Here are some of the things that have happened since we last spoke:

1. Went to a Packer game at Lambeau field in Janary. Gametime temp: -3 with -33 windchill. There's a whole post in there somewhere, maybe someday I'll get to it before I forget all the good details.
2. There was cancer in the family.
3. There was more cancer in the family.
4. There was a death in the family.
5. I started working out more often and lost some weight.
6. I read a whole bunch of good books, the best of which was What is the What by Dave Eggers, about a refugee from the Darfur region of Sudan.
7. I completed a thrilling treetops course at an environmental camp that I attended with my son.
8. I decided to dial back the amount of energy I expend at work.

I'm working on the family Christmas letter now, so hopefully that will spur on some other blogging.

Phil

Book Update

Books I've read since the last book post:

A History of Pi by Petr Beckmann. Nonfiction.
About: the history of my favorite constant, pi.
My thoughts: Written in the 1970's, updated in the 1980's, a history from the beginning of time about who figured out how to calculate pi, and how accurate they were. This books combines 2 of my favorite subjects - history and math. As my friend Tim aptly observed, "Sticky pages - lots of sticky pages for Phil."
Lasting Image: The Romans were thugs. Sir Isaac Newton had a larger impact on the scientific world than Einstein. In fact, after centuries of inadequate definition by dozens of mathematicians, Newton mathematically described pi as an afterthought, needing it to prove one of his laws of physics. Think of that - after dozens of brilliant folks labored untold hours, Newton said "Oh, by the way, here's pi". And it sat in his desk for nearly a decade until a colleague convinced him it was worth publishing!

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris. Nonfiction.
About: a collection of short stories themed around Christmas.
Lasting Image: 1. David working as an elf in Macy's Santaland. A group of severely retarded visitors came one day, and David realized afterward that he could no longer differentiate them from the "normal" visitors.
2. Perhaps the most wickedly funny holiday newsletter I've ever read.

Coming up for air

The project that has been consuming all my resources (mindshare, time, energy, happy disposition, etc) went into production today. Thank bleepin' god that's over with. I hope to have time and energy to catch up on my posts.

Expect a flurry.

Book List

Just for giggles I've decided to keep a list of books I've read. As you'll see, I'm not the world's fastest reader.

2008 (so far)
The Worst Hard Time - the Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan. Nonfiction.
About: people who didn't leave the Dust Bowl.
My thoughts: Wow! Books like this remind me to be grateful for all that I have. The Dust Bowl and Great Depression were events almost unimagineable to us younger generations. Also, an event almost completely human-made. A good read for those who don't have an understanding of man's effect on the environment.
Lasting Image: the "dusters" - incredible black storms caused by high sustained winds and loose topsoil. Sometimes achieved zero visibility. Also caused blindness and "dust pneumonia" - and death

Candy Girl - A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper by Diablo Cody. Nonfiction.
About: an ordinary woman who decides to become a stripper - in Minneapolis!
My thoughts: I first saw this book reviewed in Entertainment Weekly magazine. It got high marks and sounded interesting. But I'd forgotten about it until I learned the author had also penned the screenplay to Juno, so I went back and got it. Diablo Cody is a fantastic, original, and very clever writer. She bares all in the book (and as a stripper). It was fascinating but at the same time, not at all surprising. A fun read. Short book.
Lasting Image: the clientele from her time working in "the box" at Sex World - especially a certain --- Licker, and her first foray into baring all at the Skyway during Amateur night, particularly the use of the word "staunch". Eww.

2007 (in reverse order as far back as I can remember)
A Death in Belmont by Sebastian Junger. Nonfiction.
About: Junger, author of A Perfect Storm, also a Belmont, Massachusetts native, coincidentally was a wee child when one of the contractors who built an addition on his house turned out to the Boston Strangler. Or not.
My thoughts: Junger reviews events surrounding the killings of the Boston Strangler, how the man who confessed to being the Boston Strangler may or may not be accountable for a murder that occurred in his neighborhood. It was a great premise but I found the book disappointing due to the complete lack of resolution. Sometimes you have to accept that you'll just never know.
Lasting Image: Just inside the front cover there is a family photo showing Junger as a child, in his mother's lap, and in the background are the contractors who'd just finished the addition on his parent's house. One of the contractors is the Boston Strangler.

Carnival Undercover by Bret Witter and Lorelei Sharkey. Nonfiction.
About: everything you wanted to know about amusement parks, travelling carnivals, etc.
My thoughts: it's pretty light fare, but hey, who doesn't want to know how to win those big stuffed animals at the State Fair?
Lasting Image: remembering to cut a hole in some plywood so I can practice the softball-in-the-milkcan game.

Thunderstruck by Erik Larsn. Nonfiction.
About: how the murder of a woman and low-speed getaway pushed the fledgling "wireless" radio into public consciousness.
My thoughts: if not for the Titanic, everyone would know this story. It rivals O.J. Simpson's low-speed getaway on that famous Friday night in 1994.
Lasting image: a doctor, who had murdered his pathetic faux-debutaunte wife, escaping across the Atlantic on a luxury liner with his mistress disguised as a young boy, is captured when recognized by a fellow passenger. Because of the new "wireless" radio communication, the ship's captain is aware of the impending capture, which is then leaked to the press, so that the whole world is left waiting for the ship to arrive in North America for the arrest.
Lasting Image: Marconi had no scientific training. He stole the idea, which was only theory at the time, and worked tirelessly using only trial-and-error to build the device. He was also part P.T. Barnum - quite the marketing guru.

Next Phase

Katie and I reached a new phase in our lives Friday night. We probably reached it earlier but we didn't know until Friday night.

I'll set the scene - a darkened movie theater, credits rolling (for Fred Claus, a steaming pile of feces on the holiday movie list). Katie, the kids and I are donning our winter coats to head back out to the van.

Owen says, "What if there was a Santa Claus?"

I looked to Katie, who was deflating like a stuck balloon. No, it was more like her puppy had just been assassinated. She was the embodiment of disappointment.

When he saw his mother's disappointment, Owen tried earnestly to backtrack. But the damage was done. It was too late. We finally had the proof that our children no longer believe in Santa Claus.

We knew Megan no longer believed in Santa. I don't remember the exact age she stopped believing, but it's been a while (she's 14 now).

We also knew Jackson no longer believes. It's been well more than a year for him (he's within weeks of his 11th birthday). We did ask him not to tell Owen, who we thought still believed in Santa. He's 9 and probably should have figured it out long ago.

But in our naive desire to keep our kids young, Katie and I spent the entire season pretending that Owen still believed. We covertly carried "Santa's" gifts to a secret hiding spot after purchase. We spoke in hushed tones about which gifts were Santa's and which would be from us. We threw stern looks toward the older siblings every time they mentioned the myth of Santa.

All for naught.

I personally do not remember ever believing in Santa Claus (thank you very much, 10 older siblings, for ruining that for me!). Katie and her younger brother believed for quite some time - deep into elementary school. And even when they no longer believed, they hid that fact from their mother because, they reasoned, it might reduce their Christmas bounty.

Katie and I spent much of Saturday in a subdued state of mourning. After Santa evaporates, this becomes a pretty cruel world, doesn't it? What's next? I guess we won't be sneaking money into their tooth fairy pillows the nights after teeth fall out.

Ugh. They grow up so fast.

More Dead

12-29-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

12-30-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

12-31-07 - 2 dead mice found in basement, heads crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

1-2-08 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

Death toll for the season: 12

Two items of note: 1) we've gone a few days in a row without a dead mouse; and 2) the squirrels are pulling the baggies of dead mice out of the garbage cans and leaving them in the driveway and yard.

Who knows what surprises are in store when the snow melts?

Infestation

12-24-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

12-26-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

12-28-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

Death toll for the season: 10

Don't know the reason for the sudden string of killings - I guess a family of the little buggers must have moved in.

Unfortunately one of my Better Mousetrap brand mousetraps broke so I can only kill one at a time. Guess I better get to the hardware store.

Giving Blood Part 2 - Natalya Returns

First, read this post from 2006. It describes a less than fulfilling attempted blood donation.

Guess who was there to take my blood today?

After filling out the forms and answering the not-so-discrete questions about my travel and sexual history, a lab-coated Memorial Blood Center technician led me to a table with a left-armed drawing position (I prefer the left arm, thank you very much). The technician manning this and an adjacent, right-arm drawing table, was Natalya - she of the "oops" incident from a year ago.

Yikes! Was I actually going to have to ask for a different phlebology technician? I debated mentally.

"Look," I'd say, "it's nothing professional, but I just can't have you 'oops-ing' me again."

Then I thought - if she was that bad, would she still be working for them? After all, she appeared to have properly handled the woman next to me. No oops-ing today. No blood on the floor and alarmed stares from other blood donors. So far.

Before I really had much more of a chance to think, a different, much more experienced looking phlebologist approached and took care of me.

A one word response to all of this - "Whew!"

All went well, and I'm currently running a pint low. And I'm happy that 3 people will receive parts of my blood and help them (hopefully) return to good health.

Death Toll update

12-16-07 - 1 dead squirrel found in bottom of empty garbage can outside garage. No obvious external injuries. Cause of death: suicide.

12-19-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

Death toll for the season: 7

2007 Non-Demominational, Non-Personalized, Holiday-Type Newsletter

Presenting the 2007 Non-denominational, Non-Personalized, Holiday-type Newsletter of the Gonzalez Family

I Spoke Too Soon

12-13-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

Death toll for the season: 5

Wouldn't you know that as soon as I said "seems like it's going to be a pretty light year for dead mice" that I get another one.

Christmas Letter Update - I Got Nothin'

Every year I seem to hit this roadblock, but I'm more stuck than I've ever been. I'm gonna go ahead and blame my job. It's 9:53pm and I'm ready to drop. The thing I need most for creativity is extra brain cycles. Spare mindshare. And I don't have any. I leave for work by 7am and arrive home after 6pm. I'm in meetings 7 hours a day, and now I've taken over responsibility for a project because someone else is out on medical leave. I literally eat my lunch in meetings and go to the bathroom walking from one meeting room to another.

So don't be shocked if the Annual Non-Denominational, Holiday-Type Newsletter is a bit late this year.

Dead Mouse Update

11-30-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement under ping pong table. Cause of death: toyed with to death by natural predators.

12-8-07 - 1 dead mouse found in basement, head crushed and stuck in Better Mousetrap brand mousetrap. Cause of death: sudden blunt trauma to head.

Death toll for the season: 4

It's been a light year for rodents and I'm not sure why. Don't really care, either. I'm just happy I haven't had to find one by smell. God, I hate that smell - the smell of rotting rodent. It's indescribable.

Complete This Sentence

Here's a fun exercise that I'd really like a bunch of my friends/family to try. But first a little background.

I'm reading a book called Happier, which can be found at any book store with a self-help section. In the book there are a series of exercises intended to help you decide for yourself how to be happier. One exercise is to finish a series of sentences, like:

*Things that make me happy are ...
*To bring 5 percent more happiness to my life ...

I think you get the idea.

So, today, for the first day in a year of riding the bus to work, I had to run twice to make it to the bus; once in the morning and once at night. It occurred to me, while making my mild sprint this afternoon, that I believe every time I have to run/jog/increase-my-gait-even-a-smidgen to catch the bus that I lose a little bit of my soul.

You probably think I'm nuts. That's okay, I can live with that. But then I thought - I wonder how others would finish that sentence.

I'm asking that you all please complete the following sentence in the comments:

I lose a little bit of my soul every time ...

One Less Pristine Tooth

A quick note - I had a cavity filled today. I'm not a huge fan of Novocain, that's for sure. I gave blood last Saturday. It took 8 minutes and 5 seconds (they time you now, for some reason). I swear that the Novocain needle was in my gum longer than than the bloodletting needle. [Insert bone rattling shiver here.]

You know what else I hate? My plaque-infested tooth didn't hurt when I woke up this morning. However, now that it contains a white, plastic filling, it's actually kind of sore. Pretty hard to explain to the kids why they should have their cavities filled if it only creates pain for them in a place there wasn't pain before.

Notes on a Youth

Here I am - but I don't know the date. It's a school photo, but not from kindergarten, of that I am sure. So it's sometime after that.



I thought it might be fun to make fun of me, as if I was looking at the photo for the first time and I didn't know who it was. Here goes:

"What a cute little girl!"

"Note the narrow shoulders and vastly over-sized head."

"Looks like the nose is already full grown."

"Is that hair or is he wearing a helmet?"

"What pretty brown eyes! What's her name?"

Feel free to chime in.