A Poorly Written Note on One Key to Effective Business Writing - Sounding British

And I don't mean using "lorry" for truck, "lift" for elevator, and "wireless" for radio.

While I'm probably not the most authoritative figure in effective business writing, I have unwittingly adopted certain writing elements in my work environment. Only recently (a few days ago) did I realize that I've been aspiring to "sound British" when I write.

For example, let's examine the following sentence as it occurred to me a few days ago.

"I enjoy watching women with big breasts in tight shirts walk in the skyway in the morning."

This is the American version of this sentence. It's pretty clear where my mind is. But still, it has an ugly American feel to it.

How would a British person say this? I'll suggest the following:

"I fancy a woman with sizable bosoms straining a tight blouse during a morning skyway stroll."

This may not be exactly what a British person would say, but I think it's a good approximation. Let's examine the differences.

1. Use of the word "fancy" instead of the phrase "enjoy watching". It's more concise - a 1-for-2 tradeoff. Though one wouldn't normally use "fancy" as a verb in the United States.

2. Use of "tight blouse" instead of "tight shirt". "Blouse" is a more precise word than shirt.

3. Use of "bosom" instead of "breast". "Bosom" is a more maternal word for breasts. It sounds classier.

4. Use of "stroll" instead of "walk". Again, a more precise word.

5. The use of the word "straining". In fact, the phrase "women with big breasts in tight shirts" conjures a slightly different image than "woman with sizable bosoms straining a tight blouse". In the former, the breasts are merely laying there. In the latter, it's as if the bosoms are fighting for release from the shirt. The British version gives the bosoms life, while in the American version the breasts exist only to be observed.

[Author's note: I have long since forgotten how to diagram sentences. Perhaps I'll have my 8th grade daughter do this same analysis, since she's actually diagramming sentences in school this semester.]

What are my keys to effective business writing then? Adopt some of the principles that the Brits have been using for centuries.

1. Be concise. Blouse is a better word than shirt. Stroll is a better word than walk. There's almost always a better word than you first used.
2. Sound classy without tapping the boundaries of the thesaurus. Remember, Americans typically have small vocabularies, so while a very precise word may be great, if no one understands you then its the wrong word.
3. Minimize prepositional phrases. They only serve to redirect the reader from the actual subject. Instead, use adjectives. Notice how "walk in the skyway in the morning" turns into "a morning skyway stroll".
4. Think to yourself, "How would they have said that on Masterpiece Theatre?