Generic, non-denominational, holiday-type newsletter update

Those of you who receive my yearly newsletter know that I take more than just a few minutes creating my family's yearly news update. I thought this year it might be interesting to share my creative process in this blog. I guess I'm flattering myself to think anyone would care what this process is. So if you aren't interested please just skip these postings.

PROCESS
1. In 14 years of doing this I have never started writing until a day or two before Thanksgiving. That allows time for stuff to happen.

2. I usually start this process completely blocked and spend a few days worrying what I'll do when I run out of time. I almost always start with an article about how shitty this year's newsletter is. Then, as articles accumulate, I cut it. Perhaps some year I'll compile all the "shitty newsletter" articles into a newsletter of their own.

3. Katie and I review events of the last year and highlight one or two for each family member. I come up with headlines for the articles first, then let them stew for a while in my brain.

4. While stewing I go back and read all of the previous newsletters (I'll publish them on this blog shortly, when I get to that point), looking for year-to-year running jokes and trying desperately not to use the same joke twice. Some of my close friends will ping me if I use the same joke twice. During this period I will also page through other inspirational material, such as Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans (where you should definitely check out the stories entitled "On the Implausibility of the Death Star's Trash Compactor" and "Fire: Sharp Stick of Tomorrow?") or The Onion.

5. I write. I usually think of funny stuff during odd moments of the day or night - and try to remember it until I get to a computer. I will write during my lunch hour at work and email it to myself. Whatever it takes to get the story to my home computer. This process almost always calls for liberal use of a thesaurus, which I'm guessing most writers would feel guilty admitting. I, however, am not a writer.

6. I cut, and cut, until it fits onto 2 pages. Cutting is not as hard as writing.

That's pretty much it.

As of today, I have nothing. I started last night and I have only the headline for my shitty article story. I'll keep you updated as I progress.